Understanding Japanese Modesty: Beyond I'm Sorry

In Japan, you'll hear the word "sumimasen" (excuse me/I'm sorry) everywhere.

However, the Japanese culture of humility goes far beyond mere verbal apologies, having much deeper cultural roots.

From the intricate system of honorific language to graceful bows and formal sitting positions on tatami mats, Japanese humility is woven into every aspect of daily life.

This unique culture of humility has been shaped by various factors, including Buddhist teachings of ego suppression and a history of experiencing human powerlessness in the face of natural forces like frequent earthquakes.

As a Japanese person who grew up in Japan, I have learned the importance of modesty through various experiences - from hierarchical relationships at school and group activities to different situations after entering the workforce.

In this article, I would like to explore the depth of Japanese modesty culture and consider its true meaning beyond simple "apologies" and its role in modern society.

Japanese Modesty: Expressed Through Both Verbal and Non-verbal Communication

Japanese people express modesty toward others not only through linguistic means such as honorific language (keigo), but also through non-verbal cues like bowing (ojigi) and nodding (unazuki).

Let's examine how these expressions of Japanese modesty manifest themselves in practice.

Verbal Expressions of Japanese Modesty

Japanese modesty is expressed with particular richness and subtlety through language, most notably through the use of honorific and humble forms of speech (keigo and kenjōgo).

People demonstrate their modest position by using humble expressions for their own actions ("itashimasu," "mōshiagemasu") while elevating others through respectful language ("nasaimasu," "irasshaimasu") for their actions.

Gift-giving situations showcase particularly distinctive modest expressions. When presenting a gift, people almost invariably preface it with "tsumaranai mono desu ga" ("this is a humble item"). This modest preface is customary even when giving expensive gifts.

Similarly, when hosting guests at home, Japanese people commonly say "nanimo omotenashi ga dekizu mōshiwake arimasen" ("I apologize for not being able to provide proper hospitality").

This expression is used routinely, even when serving elaborately prepared meals.

Modest expressions are also characteristic in learning and teaching situations.

When receiving instruction, people often preface with "itaranai ten ga ōku gomeiwaku wo okakeru kamoshiremasen ga" ("I may cause you trouble due to my many shortcomings"), or when asking questions, they might say "kihonteki na koto de kyōshuku desu ga" ("I'm embarrassed to ask such a basic question").

These expressions acknowledge one's own inexperience while showing respect for the other person's knowledge and expertise.

Another distinctive feature is the daily use of "sumimasen" ("excuse me/I'm sorry"). This word is used not only for actual apologies but frequently when making requests or simply getting someone's attention.

"Sumimasen" comes naturally when being offered a seat on a train or asking store staff for directions - it's an acknowledgment of any inconvenience caused to others.

These language patterns are more than mere formalities. They represent a form of communication deeply rooted in Japanese culture, expressing genuine respect and gratitude toward others.

Non-verbal Expressions of Japanese Modesty

Japanese modesty is expressed not only through words but also richly conveyed through non-verbal communication, including body movements and use of space.

The most representative examples are ceremonial actions like bowing (ojigi) and formal sitting (seiza).

Whether it's a slight bow when passing someone, a deeper bow expressing gratitude, or sitting in seiza during formal occasions, these physical actions demonstrate respect for others while humbling oneself.

In conversation, non-verbal elements play crucial roles. When listening to others, appropriate nodding shows attentiveness to the speaker's words.

Meanwhile, avoiding excessive eye contact and occasionally averting one's gaze demonstrates respect and consideration.

This careful management of gaze helps prevent making others feel uncomfortable or pressured.

The use of space also reflects modesty. In meeting rooms or traditional Japanese rooms, it's customary to choose seats closer to the entrance (shimoza), leaving the more honored positions for others.

Particularly in meetings with seniors or supervisors, this conscious choice of seating arrangements demonstrates respect.

Japanese modesty is also evident in public behavior.

On trains and buses, people make themselves compact to avoid taking up excessive space, sitting close together to accommodate others.

They avoid relaxed postures like crossing legs, maintaining constant awareness of those around them.

These non-verbal expressions of modesty represent unique forms of communication that reflect Japanese cultural values.

Historical Origins of Japanese Modesty Culture

Japanese modesty (kenson) has evolved through a complex interweaving of various factors throughout history. Its foundations lie in Japan's unique natural environment, social structure, and integration of foreign philosophies.

First, the influence of agricultural culture, particularly rice farming, was profound.

Rice cultivation could not be sustained by individual effort alone - from planting to water management to harvesting, it required cooperation from the entire village.

This necessity for collaborative work naturally fostered values that emphasized group harmony over individual assertion.

Furthermore, Buddhist thought, especially the concept of "shoho-muga" (all phenomena are without self), which arrived from China in the 6th century, significantly influenced Japanese modesty culture.

This philosophy denied the existence of a fixed self, teaching that everything exists within relationships.

This aligned perfectly with Japan's existing communal consciousness, further reinforcing values that emphasized restraining self-assertion and prioritizing harmony with others.

Japan's distinctive natural environment also played a crucial role in shaping modesty culture.

Frequent natural disasters - earthquakes, typhoons, and volcanic eruptions - instilled in Japanese people both a sense of human limitation and reverence for nature.

The Shinto (indigenous religions in Japan) concept of "yaoyorozu no kami" - the belief that divine spirits dwell in all natural elements like trees, rocks, and rivers - emerged from this necessary coexistence with nature, fostering a humble attitude that positioned humans as just one part of the natural world.

Thus, Japanese modesty culture was woven over time from multiple threads: the interdependence of agricultural society, the Buddhist concept of non-self, and the necessity of coexisting with nature.

Five Scenarios That Strongly Demonstrate Japanese Modesty

Let's examine five typical situations where Japanese modesty is prominently displayed, and explore how this modesty is expressed in each case:

Scenario 1: Securing a New Business Contract

Recently, I landed a new contract worth 3 million yen from a major corporation.

During the internal reporting meeting, my supervisor praised me, saying "That's an outstanding sales achievement." Indeed, it took three months of repeated proposals and winning against tough competition from other companies to secure this contract.

However, I responded, "No, this was only possible thanks to everyone's support in our department.

My team helped me prepare the proposal materials, and the technical team assisted with handling technical inquiries. I couldn't have done any of this alone."

In Japanese business culture, even when you achieve significant results, it's considered inappropriate to claim it as a personal achievement.

Showing confidence by saying "I'm amazing" can be seen as inconsiderate and arrogant. Therefore, it's preferred to present successes as team achievements and minimize references to one's individual role.

Scenario 2: Interviewing with a Manager at a New Company

When I began explaining, "In my previous position, I spent five years as a system development project leader," the manager commented, "I hear you successfully led the development of your company's core system."

Although this was true, I immediately downplayed it, saying, "Well, I was just fortunate to have excellent team members. I still have much to learn..."

In Japanese job interviews, there's a tendency to avoid directly promoting one's achievements.

This demonstrates modesty and implies a willingness to learn and room for growth.

Additionally, being too assertive about personal accomplishments might suggest a poor fit with Japanese corporate culture, which heavily emphasizes teamwork.

As a result, when discussing project successes, it's common to emphasize "team support" and "guidance from supervisors" while understating one's own contributions.

Scenario 3: Being Offered a Promotion After One Year at Your First Job

My manager told me, "Tanaka, in recognition of your hard work over the past year, we've decided to promote you to supervisor next month."

However, I responded, "I still have so much to learn, and I have far less experience compared to my senior colleagues. Are you sure I deserve this opportunity?"

In Japanese companies, it's customary to show restraint when receiving news of a promotion.

This demonstrates consideration for peers and senior colleagues, while also showing humility by acknowledging one's limitations.

Therefore, when offered a promotion, it's common to include phrases like "I still have much to learn" or "Please continue to guide me," emphasizing not one's achievements but rather eagerness to grow and gratitude to others.

Scenario 4: When Other Parents Praise Your Son's First-Place Victory in a Sports Competition

When another parent said, "Your son is amazing! Congratulations on winning first place," the mother smiled and replied, "Oh no, it was just luck. It's really thanks to his coach and teammates who practice with him every day."

In Japanese parenting culture, it's considered inappropriate to speak proudly about your child's successes. This shows consideration for other parents' feelings and helps avoid being seen as an overly doting parent.

Therefore, even when children achieve excellent results, parents typically attribute it to "good luck" or "support from others" rather than directly emphasizing their child's effort or talent.

Instead, they express gratitude to those who helped their child succeed.

Scenario 5: Giving Souvenirs to Relatives After Returning from a Trip

"Oh, I went on a trip, so this is just a small something..." I said while handing over sweets from a famous shop.

Even when my relative exclaimed, "Wow! These are hard to get - you must have waited in line. Thank you!" I replied, "Oh no, I just happened to go when there wasn't a line. Though I'm not sure if they'll taste good..."

In Japanese family relationships, it's customary to downplay the value of gifts, even among close relatives.

This is because Japanese culture considers it inappropriate to make others feel indebted, even within family relationships.

Therefore, even when giving carefully selected gifts, people often say things like "I just happened to find it" or "it was nearby."

They might even add phrases like "I'm not sure if it will taste good" or "I hope you'll like it" to show consideration and humility.

My Thoughts on Japanese Modesty

Throughout my Japanese education, the belief that "modesty is a virtue" was unconsciously but deeply embedded in my values.

I saw it in everyday moments - like my mother saying "This isn't much, I'm sorry" while giving snacks to my friends, or in TV drama protagonists downplaying their work achievements by saying "I still have so much to learn."

These examples of Japanese people living modestly became internalized as something admirable, a kind of quiet dignity I came to respect.

However, I've noticed that this tendency toward modesty can sometimes work against us in professional settings.

For instance, we might downplay our work achievements so much that others fail to recognize their true value, or miss new opportunities because we're hesitant to express our capabilities.

While there's no need for excessive self-promotion, I believe we Japanese people need to develop a new skill going forward: the ability to present ourselves authentically, neither understating nor overstating who we are.

This translation maintains the personal, reflective tone of the original while conveying the author's nuanced perspective on both the cultural value and potential limitations of Japanese modesty in contemporary life.