The Mystery of Japanese Communication Style: How to Communicate with Japanese People

When I was studying abroad in New Zealand, a foreign friend once asked me:

"There's this Japanese girl I'm interested in. She was friendly to me until yesterday, but suddenly she's avoiding me today. I really can't think of any reason why. As someone who is also Japanese, can you help me understand what might be going on?"

Most likely, there had been several small communication misunderstandings between this Japanese woman and my foreign friend—subtle differences that Japanese people would recognize among themselves. This eventually led to what I would call a typically Japanese "passive rejection" attitude.

Foreigners often point out that Japanese people struggle to express everything verbally while simultaneously tending to dislike such direct communication. As a result, they're frequently perceived as "people whose thoughts are unclear" or simply "quiet people."

Let's explore what influences these mysterious, peculiar, and fascinating Japanese communication styles that differ entirely from the rest of the world.

People Should Be Aware of Their Social Position

One factor influencing Japanese communication is the belief that "in any situation, each person has an assigned position, and they should be mindful of that position."

For example, imagine a company-wide meeting where there's an opportunity at the end to ask questions to management. Even with nearly 100 Japanese employees present, it's possible that not a single question will be raised.

Of course, sometimes this silence stems from feelings of resignation—"There's no point asking questions at this company because nothing will change." But more significantly, Japanese people often think, 'It's not appropriate for someone at my level in the company to ask questions in front of everyone.

So how are these "assigned positions" determined?

In my opinion, they're largely influenced by four hierarchical factors: "status differences," "age differences," "recognition differences," and "ability differences."

For instance, "status differences" apply when speaking with your company president or boss; "age differences" when talking with a friend's parents; "recognition differences" when interacting with someone famous on social media or a celebrity; and "ability differences" when conversing with someone who plays sports better than you.

Through these factors, hierarchies emerge among people in the same space. When Japanese people find themselves lower in this hierarchy, they tend to avoid speaking too casually and increase their use of polite language.

These clear hierarchical relationships persist in Japan for several historical reasons. Japan maintained a rigid class system until the 19th century. Social relationships remained stable for long periods in the regional communities of this island nation. Additionally, Chinese teachings such as Confucianism had a significant influence.

However, the most influential factor is likely Japan's educational system. Even today, Japan maintains clear senpai-kohai (先輩 - 後輩 / senior-junior) relationships where even a one-year age difference establishes a distinct hierarchy. These hierarchical relationships are strongly ingrained in Japanese consciousness from a young age through the visible practice of using honorific language.

When I was studying in New Zealand, I witnessed a foreign teacher asking their young child, "What do you want to do? Tell me your opinion."

Though this practice has become less common in Japan, it's still relatively rare to see parents actively seeking their young children's opinions. This too might reflect the influence of "parent-child age-based hierarchical relationships."

Words Are Light, Actions Are Heavy

Beyond hierarchical relationships, another factor creating Japan's unique communication style is the belief that "actual behavior should be valued over words."

For example, when thanking a teacher who has helped you for many years, Japanese people tend to avoid lengthy expressions of gratitude or strong emotional displays of appreciation.

Instead, they view "bowing deeply to express gratitude" or "preparing a thank-you gift" as more meaningful than words alone. This follows the Japanese mindset that "expressing gratitude through mere words is insufficient," and one should "show appreciation through concrete actions."

This unwritten rule of "expressing gratitude through concrete actions" is particularly pronounced among Japanese men, even more so than Japanese women. In Japanese culture, men are sometimes judged as 'superficial and lacking dignity' if they talk excessively, resulting in a stronger tendency to refrain from verbal expression and favor demonstration through actions.

Have you ever been in a meeting with many Japanese participants when everyone suddenly falls silent before an important decision?

This too symbolizes the "lightness of words." Japanese people tend to believe that 'important matters shouldn't be discussed casually" and that "one should prove their correctness through actions," which can result in silence. (Of course, Japanese silence can have different meanings depending on the situation.)

Anticipating Needs Before Words Are Spoken Is Considerate

Japanese people also tend to believe that "forcing someone to express everything verbally shows a lack of consideration."

When I went abroad, I was surprised when I asked foreigners "How's it going?" and sometimes received negative responses like "Not good."

In Japan, voluntarily sharing that you're "not feeling well" or "not in good shape" is uncommon, except when you can't attend a scheduled event or need to directly communicate your health condition for work or sports.

Instead, there's an expectation that "the listener should deduce the other person's current situation by interpreting their tone of voice or facial expression beyond their words." For example, if someone says "I'm fine" but their tone or expression suggests otherwise, the conversation might continue with "Is something wrong?" followed by "Actually..."

This Japanese mindset that "one should anticipate before words are spoken" extends beyond just conversations between friends. The Japanese concept of "reading the air / 空気を読む" (understanding the situation, everyone's position, and mood from non-verbal cues) represents a communication style that frequently appears throughout Japanese society.

For instance, when someone who was initially speaking loudly in a quiet café gradually switches to whispering, or when someone silently gives up their seat on a crowded train for an elderly person—these behaviors reflect the Japanese communication style where "one should respond to what others want even if they haven't verbalized it."

Strong Emotional Expression Is Childish, Not Adult-like

To be fair, when comparing Japanese children with foreign children, there isn't a huge difference in how they express emotions.

They laugh when happy and cry or get angry when something unpleasant happens, with emotions fluctuating dramatically.

However, as Japanese people grow older, they develop a stronger tendency to suppress emotions like joy, anger, sorrow, and pleasure. This stems from the Japanese belief that "people who excessively display emotions cannot control themselves and are still childish."

While this Japanese tendency helps prevent behaviors that might hurt others through uncontrolled anger, it can also make it difficult for others to recognize when someone is happy or pleased.

These attitudes, while influenced by historical factors like Bushido / 武士道 (the way of the warrior), are largely acquired through school education. Many Japanese children participate in extracurricular activities, primarily sports clubs.

In these club activities, developing "patience and endurance" through sports is emphasized.

Japan's Declining Economy and Changing Communication Styles

However, these Japanese communication styles have been changing significantly in recent years.

The main driver behind changes in Japanese communication styles has been Japan's prolonged economic stagnation and struggle to develop new industries.

Japan's manufacturing industries, centered around the automotive sector, undoubtedly support Japan's economy substantially. However, with the advancement of IT technology, manufacturing has gradually lost its economic power, while overseas IT technologies have generated enormous wealth.

Unlike traditional manufacturing industries that demand accuracy and discipline, the rapidly changing IT industry prioritizes speed above all else.

In this context, traditional Japanese communication styles—"careful communication mindful of position" and "avoiding direct verbal exchanges while reading others' feelings from non-verbal cues"—become factors that hinder speed.

As a result, even in Japan, particularly in the IT industry, a new communication style that emphasizes direct communication regardless of position is emerging.

However, I personally hope that while emphasizing this new communication style, we don't reject the positive aspects of traditional Japanese communication, such as "avoiding excessive emotionality and making calm judgments" and "being considerate of situations others cannot verbalize."

I believe these seemingly old-fashioned Japanese communication styles contain elements that can lead to calm and accurate judgment in business settings and the ability to understand users' unspoken essential issues.

Thank you for reading.