The Roots of Japan's Unique Communication Style

When I was studying in New Zealand, a foreign friend once asked me:

"There's this Japanese girl I'm interested in, and she was talking to me in a friendly way until yesterday, but suddenly today she's avoiding me. I really can't think of any reason why. Since you're Japanese too, do you know what might have happened?"

I suspect that small communication misunderstandings that would be obvious to Japanese people had occurred several times between this Japanese woman and the foreign student, ultimately leading to the typically Japanese passive rejection behavior.

As foreigners often point out, Japanese people struggle to express everything in words and tend to dislike that kind of direct communication. As a result, they're often perceived as quiet people whose thoughts are hard to read.

Let's explore what aspects of Japanese thinking influence this mysterious, peculiar, and fascinating communication style that's so different from the rest of the world.

Everyone Should Know Their Place

One factor that influences Japanese communication is the belief that each person has a designated role in any given situation, and they should understand and respect that position.

For example, imagine a company-wide meeting where, at the end, there's an opportunity to ask questions to the management. Even with nearly 100 Japanese employees in attendance, sometimes not a single person raises a question.

Of course, this silence might sometimes stem from resignation—feeling that there's no point in asking questions because they don't expect anything from the company. But more often, Japanese people hold the belief that someone in their position shouldn't be asking questions in front of the entire group.

So, how are these predetermined positions determined in Japanese society?

In my view, they're based on four factors:

1. Hierarchical status
2. Age
3. Fame or recognition
4. Ability or skill

Specifically, hierarchical differences might involve talking to your company's president or boss; age differences could mean speaking with an acquaintance's parents; fame differences might involve talking to someone famous on social media or a celebrity; and ability differences could mean speaking with someone better at sports than you are.

Through these factors, a pecking order emerges among people in the same space. When someone finds themselves lower in this hierarchy, Japanese people tend to avoid speaking too casually, and they use more polite language.

Several factors contribute to why these clear hierarchical relationships remain strong among Japanese people: Japan historically maintained a rigid class system until around the 19th century, human relationships were long fixed in island communities and local societies, and teachings like Confucianism from China have had lasting influence.

However, the biggest factor is probably Japan's school education system. Japan still maintains a clear "senior-junior" (senpai-kohai / 先輩-後輩) system where even a one-year age difference creates a distinct hierarchical relationship. These hierarchical relationships are strongly ingrained in Japanese consciousness from a young age through the visible practice of using polite language.

When I was studying in New Zealand, I once witnessed a foreign teacher at the school asking their young child, "What do you want to do right now? Tell me your opinion."

In Japan, even though it's become less common, parents rarely go out of their way to ask their young children for their opinions. This might also be influenced by the age-based hierarchical relationship between parent and child.

Words Are Light, Actions Carry Weight

In addition to hierarchical relationships, another factor that creates Japanese communication styles different from overseas is the belief that actual actions should be valued more than words.

For example, when expressing gratitude to a teacher who has helped them for many years, Japanese people tend to avoid lengthy expressions of thanks or conveying gratitude through strong emotional language.

Instead, they express gratitude through concrete actions like bowing deeply or preparing a gift of appreciation, viewing these physical actions as more meaningful than words. This follows the Japanese belief that simply expressing gratitude through words alone is too light, and one should demonstrate appreciation through concrete actions.

This unwritten rule of expressing gratitude through concrete actions is particularly strong among Japanese men, even more so than Japanese women. In Japanese culture, men are sometimes judged as shallow and uncool for chattering away to express gratitude, which results in a stronger tendency to refrain from verbal expression and adopt the mainstream approach of showing feelings through actions.

Have you ever experienced a situation where, during a meeting with many Japanese participants, just before making an important decision, the members suddenly stop talking and the entire group falls silent?

This is another scene that symbolizes the perceived lightness of words. Japanese people tend to believe they shouldn't speak carelessly about important matters, and they think they should prove their correctness through actions, which sometimes results in silence. (Of course, there are different reasons why Japanese people remain silent, depending on the situation.)

Reading the Situation Before Speaking Is Thoughtfulness

Japanese people also tend to think it's inconsiderate to make others explain everything in words.

When I went overseas, I was surprised when I asked foreigners, "How's it going?" and received negative responses like "Not good."

In Japan, volunteering information about not feeling well or not being in good shape is rarely done, except when you can't participate in already scheduled plans or when you need to directly communicate your health status for work or sports.

Instead, there's a communication approach where the listener should read the other person's tone of voice and facial expressions when they answer "I'm fine," and then infer "Hey, did something happen?" leading to "Actually..." The idea is that the listener should judge the other person's current situation from non-verbal information and initiate deeper conversation.

This Japanese concept of reading the situation before words are spoken isn't limited to conversations between friends. As reflected in the Japanese term "reading the air" (kuuki wo yomu / 空気を読む—meaning to understand the surrounding situation, everyone's position, and each person's mood from non-verbal cues), this non-verbal communication style appears frequently throughout Japanese society.

For example, when people who were initially talking loudly in a quiet café start whispering, or when someone on a crowded train silently gives up their seat to an elderly person—these behaviors demonstrate the Japanese communication approach of sensing what others want without them having to voice it, and responding to those unspoken needs.

Showing Strong Emotions Is Childish, Not Adult

Obviously, even Japanese children don't differ significantly from foreign children in how they express emotions.

When they're happy, they laugh; when something unpleasant happens, they cry or get angry—their emotions fluctuate dramatically and visibly.

However, once Japanese people reach a certain age, they tend to suppress emotions like joy, anger, sorrow, and pleasure. This stems from the Japanese belief that "people who express their emotions excessively cannot control their feelings and are still children."

While this Japanese tendency helps prevent people from acting on anger and hurting others, it can also make it difficult for others to tell when someone is happy or pleased.

These attitudes are largely acquired through school education, though historical factors like bushido / 武士道 (the way of the samurai) also play a role. In Japanese schools, most children join club activities, mainly sports-related ones.

In these club activities, developing perseverance and endurance through sports is emphasized.

Japan's Declining Economy and Changing Communication Styles

However, these Japanese communication styles have been changing significantly in recent years.

There are various reasons for this, but fundamentally, Japan's prolonged economic stagnation and inability to create new industries have triggered changes in Japanese communication.

While Japan's manufacturing industries, centered on automobiles, have indeed been major pillars of the Japanese economy, with the advancement of IT, manufacturing has gradually lost its economic power. Meanwhile, overseas IT has brought enormous wealth.

Unlike traditional manufacturing industries that required accuracy and discipline, the rapidly changing IT industry prioritizes speed above all else.

In this context, traditional Japanese communication styles—cautious communication that considers one's position and indirect communication that avoids direct verbal exchange while reading others' feelings from non-verbal cues—become obstacles to speed.

As a result, new communication styles that emphasize direct communication regardless of position are emerging in Japan, particularly in the IT industry.

However, while these new communication styles are being emphasized, I hope we can avoid throwing away the positive aspects of traditional Japanese communication, such as avoiding excessive emotionalism to make calm judgments, and showing consideration for situations others cannot voice.

I believe these seemingly old-fashioned Japanese communication styles contain elements that can lead to calm and accurate judgment in business situations, and the ability to understand the essential issues that users don't explicitly state.

Thank you for reading.